Ingredients:

Method:

Sample the bourbon to check quality. Take a large bowl then re-sample the bourbon to ensure it is of the highest quality. Pour one cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one tsp sugar and beat again.

Make sure the bourbon is still okay.

Cry another tup. Turn on the mixerer. Break two eggs and add to the bowl, chuck in the dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loos with a drewscriver. Sample the bourbon to check for tonsiscency.

Next sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares?

Check the bourbon. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven.

Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

Throw the bowl out of the window, check the bourbon again and go to bed. Don't forget to wake up with a major hangover the next morning and search the house for the fruitcake you so painstakingly baked the night before.